8 Unique Ways to Practice Self-care

8 Unique Ways to Practice Self-Care - Cluff Counseling - Lewisville Therapist

8 Unique Ways to Practice Self-Care - Cluff Counseling - Lewisville Therapist“Self-care is something that refuels us, rather than takes from us.”

-Agnes Wainman

In June I posted on “Mental Hygiene”, which was really a fun, new way to discuss mindfulness and self-care. I based my post off of a Podcast I heard from from Jody Moore that put a whole new spin on the concept of taking care of our minds. She compared “mental hygiene”–the ways we take care of our minds–to the ways we take care of ourselves physically, like brushing our teeth or exercising. I felt her analogy was very applicable and helpful in understanding the importance of self-care. Today I want to continue thinking outside the box by furthering that conversation and suggesting a few unique self-care ideas.

By definition, self-care is any activity that we deliberately do to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it may seem simple conceptually, we often overlook and do not practice regular self-care. Good self-care is key to improved mood and reduced anxiety, with a host of long-term physical benefits. It is also key to a good relationship with oneself and others. I am a firm believer that self-care done well can spill over into all aspects of one’s life–in the most positive ways imaginable!

I love writing about self-care. I dedicate one post a month to this topic because I want everyone to think about it more and even schedule regular time to take care of themselves. There is so much information and ideas online about self-care options; I highly recommend reading the resources I have included below as an introduction to self-care. Today I will share eight out-of-the-box ideas for things you could incorporate into your daily dose of self-care:

  1. Do something spontaneous. This will depend widely on your location, interests, and preferences. The underlying concept is to do something you have been wanting to do or have been putting off. Just do it!
  2. Do some demolition. Smash something! Make a mess! My good friends are remodeling their kitchen, and this required taking a sledgehammer and demolishing their existing island and tile countertops. It was exhilarating and therapeutic for them to release some stress and anger in the destruction process! You could also have a flour war or have a pillow fight. There may even be options available locally for you to visit an Anger Room or go axe-throwing; I have seen stuff like this on Groupon for Dallas!
  3. Try balloon painting! I have yet to try this, but it sure sounds intriguing. You fill balloons with paint, attach them to a sheet or a canvas, and throw darts to try and pop the balloons! In the end you are left with a unique and masterful art piece that was surely exhilarating and therapeutic to create!
  4. Lay on the ground. Try it. Lay on the ground and focus on what is above you. If you are outside, lay on the sidewalk, road, grass, whatever it might be. Observe the sky and the clouds or the stars and the moon.
  5. Stare at the wall. One of my good friends will literally stare at a blank wall for 10-15 minutes when she feels stressed. She says it is a simple, convenient, and free way to reset her mind and emotions! Don’t knock it until you try it 🙂
  6. Utilize religion or spirituality. So much of self-care focuses on activities like yoga or meditation or practicing a hobby that are integral religious or spiritual practices. Do some soul searching however seems most natural to you.
  7. Color. I have written previously about the benefits of using creativity and creative outlets as a form of self-care. As humans, we find creating something to be incredibly satisfying. While there are many options here, a few simple suggestions would be to try one of those non-permanent henna kits, a coloring book for adults, or even chalk art on your driveway. My adult clients love to do this!
  8. Follow-up with medical care. You know that super accomplished, productive feeling you get when you finally get around to something you have put off for awhile? Yeah, you will have that when you actually follow through with that routine check-up you have been dodging for months. Trust me!

Now, if I were to ask you not if, but how, you take care of yourself, do you have ideas for something new you might want to try? Give them a try!  You will find that taking time for you will recharge you, and fuel your productivity and effectiveness in all areas of your life. If you are regularly practicing self-care, but feel that you need additional guidance or help to reach your best self, I urge you to contact me today. Sometimes, talking things out with a licensed, experienced therapist can help you find needed direction in your life.

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

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Measuring Your Success

Measuring Your Success - Cluff Counseling, Lewisville Marriage & Family Therapist - Type

Measuring Your Success - Cluff Counseling, Lewisville Marriage & Family Therapist - TypeLegendary basketball coach, John Wooden, says success is, “…peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.” Are you doing your best to reach your 2018 resolutions?

As April approaches (and with it my birthday!), I have been thinking about my goals for the year and how I am doing with them. How are your resolutions going? Do you remember what they are? Did you write them down to begin with? Maybe you have a list displayed on your bathroom mirror, and you are actively thinking about daily steps you can make to reach your lofty goals. Or maybe you fall into that ⅓ group who do not work on resolutions after the first month of the year. Either way, I am here to give encouragement, and provide some tips on how you can measure your progress.

Life is busy. We get so caught up in the daily grind of simple survival that we may overlook seemingly extraneous things–like wanting to pick up a paintbrush or get into an exercise regimen. How can we stay motivated to learn the skills we want to learn, accomplish what we want to accomplish, and ultimately become who we want to be? The answer is simple:

Baby steps each and every day.

I want this blog post to inspire/motivate/rekindle your desire to grow and improve this year. You set your resolutions for a reason! With your own persistence, consistency, and organization you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. Let’s get started.

First, take a look at your resolutions. Yes, I list this as an actual step because many people have intangible goals floating around in their brain space. You must write them down! You need to be able to see your goals; there is something about the action of writing them out that makes you more accountable to yourself, solidifies your desire to learn new things, and helps you remember your goals (muscle memory, maybe?). So step one, if you have not already done so, write your goals down.

Next, break down goals into measurable steps. “Learn to play the guitar” is a wonderful goal in and of itself, but it is very broad and difficult to quantify. How will you know if you have mastered or even “learned” the guitar? I would like to introduce a simple method that will help you break goals down to actionable steps and give you baby steps for each and every day. This step is perhaps the most important phase of goal setting, for this is where you can set yourself up for success!

  • VISION. Begin with your overarching goal. Let’s say that “learn the guitar” is your vision.
  • GOALS. How will you accomplish your vision? (Notice that the following can all be checked off yes or no; they are quantifiable steps that are easy to measure!)
      • Have formal guitar lessons weekly from a qualified teacher or musician
      • Practice the guitar for at least 15 minutes daily
      • Master one song a month
      • Perform Christmas song at family Christmas party
  • ACTIONS. Now take each of your goals and break them down into smaller steps with set time frames to accomplish each by. (Yes, this takes time and organization. But this is truly what enables you to reach your goals!)
      • Have formal guitar lessons weekly from a qualified teacher or musician
        • Research local music schools; find pricing options (by end of work week)
        • Call Dad’s friend and ask about his rates + availability (Wednesday @ 7 p.m.)
        • Find, clean and tune Dad’s guitar (before first lesson)
      • Practice the guitar for at least 15 minutes daily
        • Nightly after dinner, 6:30-6:45 p.m.
      • Master one song a month (if we are just now redefining or re-dedicating ourselves to goals, start with April)
        • April: “Leaving on a Jet Plane” (Key Signature G)
        • May: “With or Without You” (Key D)
        • June: “Brown Eyed Girl” (Key G)
        • July: “Silent Night” (Key G)
      • Perform Christmas song at family Christmas party
        • Practice basic key signatures monthly
        • Begin practicing “Silent Night” in July
        • Perform for a friend or small audience prior to family party in December
  • ACCOUNTABILITY. Who will you be accountable to? If you have a roommate, partner, sibling, parent, friend or coworker you are close to, consider telling him/her about your goal. Ask him/her to occasionally (or frequently–whatever will help you most) ask you about your progress. Often, knowing someone else knows about your goal helps motivate you to keep going when you are tired, busy, or discouraged. In fact, partner up–play guitar together or hit that yoga class with a friend!

Lastly, REGULARLY review your resolutions. Set a time to remind yourself of your goals. I have long preferred to do this early each Monday–after my morning rituals (like exercising, eating, and getting ready for the day) and before beginning my professional/scholastic duties. Having a set time to go over your goals makes them more prominent in your mind, schedule, and priorities, and helps you to achieve ultimately them. Plus, if you fall off the horse one week, you can reevaluate how to get back in the saddle. If you find your goals to be too easy or too demanding, you can adjust them as necessary. Having a regular check-in with yourself will keep you progressing.

Winston Churchill once said that success is being relentless. If you want to be successful, be relentless in your pursuit to achieve your goals and to become the best version of yourself. Only you know if you are exerting your best effort to reach those goal or not; are you happy with your progress? Is there room for improvement? If you are not on track to reach your goals right now, sit down, write your goals out, and divide each into quantifiable, actionable steps. I can assure you that this is one surefire way to both measure your success and achieve your dreams. And, as always, I am here to help however I can. Contact me or schedule a session today.

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

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The Beauty of Journaling

Cluff Counseling - The Beauty of Journaling

Cluff Counseling - The Beauty of JournalingSome of the most influential people in history kept detailed journals of their lives. Those journals are both a permanent record for posterity, as well as a cathartic release for the people writing them. Even if you don’t think you need either, keeping a journal has benefits you can enjoy immediately.

Imagine you had a friend you could share everything with–literally everything: when you feel frustrated or hurt by your partner, when you are stressed because of work, when you feel guilty after making a mistake or hurting someone else, or even just when you feel discouraged because of social media comparisons. Yes, you may have a friend, family member, or a partner in whom you can confide, but that person may not always be available and/or what you are facing may be too private, at times, to discuss with others. This is the beauty of journaling.

Journaling is powerful. It is an incredible tool that we can tap into when life is overwhelming, wonderful, or anything in between. When stressful events occur, writing through emotions and feelings has long been known to cause improvements in health and psychological well-being. This is because expressive writing reduces intrusive and avoidant thoughts about negative events and improves working memory. In addition to stress management, these enhancements free up our cognitive resources for other mental activities. There are so many positive benefits to journaling, but today I would like to focus on the following four:

  1. Journaling helps you organize. To do’s, goals, and dreams come out while journaling; it is all part of your stream of consciousness. Not only that, but if you are facing a problem in life, journaling can help you problem solve. A clear plan of action often surfaces when journaling, which is so helpful if you are feeling scattered, disorganized, or overwhelmed!
  2. Journaling clears your emotions. As you write freely in your journal, you will experience reduced feelings of scatteredness, increase focus and stability, release pent-up feelings and emotions, bridge outer events and inner thinking, and detach from the past. There is no greater way to be present in day-to-day life than to regularly clear your emotions and start with a clean slate. In fact, you can even reduce your stress by journaling!
  3. Journaling solidifies learning. I cannot tell you how many times I have read something I learned but had forgotten from my own journal. Writing down experiences and lessons learned reinforces them, and enables you to remember details you might not otherwise remember.
  4. Journaling leads to gratitude. No matter what mood you are in when you begin writing, journaling has the power to naturally steer you towards thankfulness–towards appreciating what you do have and strengths you do possess. When we pause to consider all the good in our life (and I recommend taking the time to write down your gratitude list), a cascading effect occurs and we inevitably realize we have more than we originally considered.

So how can you get started? There are infinite options! In the resources section below, I included one of my favorite possibilities, “The Five Minute Journal.” There are prompts divided into a morning section (to start your day off awesome), as well as a night section (to reflect on what happened throughout the day). Prompts include things like, “I am grateful for…,” “What would make today great..?” “Daily affirmations: I am…,” “3 amazing things that happened today,” and, “How could I have made today better…?” These prompts foster meaningful thought and do not take much time to answer.  A quick google search will render many additional ideas on how you can get started writing in your journal today.

There is great power in picking up a pen and writing freely in your journal for a few minutes every day. While some sources recommend writing for 20-30 minutes at least once day, I often tell my clients to start with what feels natural. If you want to write for five minutes at the start of your day, try it. If you prefer summarizing the day before going to bed, go for it! I recently started bullet journaling because it seemed easier than paragraphs; though many of my entries morph into traditional journaling format, I enjoy following what feels natural to me. Let your creativity run free and journal the way that feels most natural to you–that is how you will get the most out of it. If you have questions about journaling or would like to schedule a session, please do not hesitate to contact me or set up a session today!

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

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Doing the Things You Enjoy Can Help Your Anxiety

Cluff Counseling - Hobbies for Anxiety Relief

Cluff Counseling, DFW Marriage and Family Therapy - Hobbies for Anxiety ReliefLife is stressful. Whether it is deadlines at work, final exams in school, a breakup with a significant other, or simply the daily rig-a-ma-roll of life, chances are high that you feel anxious from time to time. Anxiety is a normal part of life in our society; everyone experiences it in some degree or another. In fact, 40 million American adults deal with an anxiety disorder of some kind! The question is not if or when you will feel your heart palpitating, have weak legs, or feel queasy about an impending event… the real question is how you will deal with your anxiety when you experience it. In this blog post I will share 6 hobbies that can help keep that anxiety at bay…or at least keep it at a manageable level.

It is not uncommon for my clients to deal with anxiety–I would say 4 out of 5 struggle with a degree of anxiety in some area of their life. In most cases, my clients simply need guidance for managing their anxiety. Some of my other clients, however, have more severe anxiety, and I may recommend medication in order for them to find and achieve balance and equilibrium. I often tell these clients that life with severe anxiety without medication is like drowning… you are disoriented and cannot tell up from down, as you struggle for breath.  On the other hand, life with severe anxiety with medication is like swimming with your head above the water… you are in control, you have air in your lungs, and you can see clearly. Medication will not take your anxiety away; instead, it will help you cope better and be in control of your life. Such cases where medication is needed require a diagnosis from a certified individual, like me, a licensed therapist. Optimal results come when medication is coupled with counseling and self-care.  If you feel you have chronic anxiety, come see me for an assessment and to begin creating a plan to address your anxiety.

Certain hobbies have been found to naturally help clients overcome and alleviate anxiety. When participating in hobbies to help combat anxiety, you are in control. Choose something you like and you are interested in. Here are six suggestions to get your started:

  • Paint or write in a journal. Take a break from the endless social media scrolling, and release your inner artist. There is something so therapeutic about creating with paint and/or words!
  • Joy read or watch an engaging TV show. Escape your own troubles momentarily by losing yourself in other people’s stories.
  • Get outside. Barrie Sueskind, a therapist specializing in anxiety, says this is her go-to: “Fresh air and sunlight are proven mood boosters.”
  • Practice mindfulness. This is all about quieting the madness in your head while still being present. Yoga, meditation, or even a quick walk can steady those racing thoughts.
  • Work out. No secret here–exercise is great for curbing stress, depression, and anxiety!
  • Take a self-improvement class. Yes, you are experiencing anxiety because life is busy and stressful… so adding an extraneous class to the mix may seem counter-productive. However, improving your cooking skills, learning a language, or learning a new hobby is an incredible way to focus on the present and not worry about the future!

Remember, these are merely suggestions. You are in the driver’s seat and can control what and how much you do to ward off those feelings of anxiousness…because they will come! If you have questions, or feel your anxiety is interfering with your ability to enjoy life, contact me today.

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