The Life Defining Practice of Positivity

 Research is revealing that positive thinking is about much more than just being happy or displaying an upbeat attitude. Positive thoughts can create real value in your life and help you build skills that last longer than a smile.

Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.”
― Roy T. Bennett

Every single day you face a myriad of situations that will test and prove your outlook on life. Is your glass half-empty or half-full? Do you see changes as setbacks or opportunities? Do you see weakness as a nuisance or a chance to grow? Would you consider yourself to be more of an optimist or a pessimist? Regardless of where you currently stand, you can start today to implement positivity into your life. Everything from your work to your health to your relationships will improve as you try to see the world through an optimistic lens!

Here is the 101 on positive thinking. It helps with stress management and improves your overall physical health (even resistance to the common cold!), it increases your lifespan, lowers your rates of depression and stress, offers greater immunity and better cardiovascular health, and results in more effective and efficient coping skills during hardships and times of stress. In other words, there are no cons to positivity.

Positive thinking does not mean you simply stick your head in the sand and proceed to ignore all of life’s less-than-pleasant situations. No, quite the contrary. Positive thinking simply means that you approach said unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way: You assume the best is going to happen instead of expecting the worst.

If you want to be a more optimistic person, you can! You can learn to turn negative thinking into positive thinking. The process is simple, but it does take time, patience, and practice…after all, you are creating a new habit. Here are some ways to start living a more positive lifestyle:

  1. Start small. If you want to employ more positive thinking, first identify areas of your life that you usually think negatively about. This may be work, your daily commute or a relationship. Start small by focusing on one area to approach in a more positive way.
  2. Have checkpoints. Periodically during the day, stop and evaluate what you are thinking. If you find that your thoughts are mainly negative, try to put a positive spin on them.
  3. Positive self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through your head. This is where positive thinking often starts. Be careful to not say anything to yourself that you would not say to someone else you care about! Shed the weight that comes from thinking unkindly of others by speaking kindly to yourself.
  4. Follow a healthy lifestyle. Exercise, adequate rest, and a healthy diet can positively affect your stress levels. A healthy body and regulated stress will help you see the world differently.
  5. Try meditation. Recent research has revealed that people who meditate regularly display more positive emotions than those who do not. Meditation can result in mindfulness, purpose in life, social support, and decreased illness symptoms.
  6. Practice gratitude. It is easy to get caught up in the things that are wrong or that you lack in life. But instead, take a look around and count your blessings. Think about the many things you are thankful for. Making a daily list is a great way to practice gratitude!
  7. Try humor. Give yourself permission to smile or laugh, especially during difficult times. Seek humor in everyday happenings. Laughing at life will decrease stress!
  8. Play/decompress. Before a violin is stored, the strings are loosened. If it is put away with the strings tight enough to play, the strings will eventually stretch and snap. You need periodical breaks to have fun and decompress. You will be better able to see life from an optimistic viewpoint if you take time to blow off steam!
  9. Surround yourself with positive people (read: stay away from toxic people). Make sure the people you choose to surround yourself with are positive, happy, and supportive. Negative people may increase your stress level and make you doubt your ability to manage stress in healthy ways.
  10. Be happy NOW. It is easy to think you will be happy when you get that promotion or move out of your apartment or when your kids are out of diapers. I know I am guilty of putting off happiness until I achieve some arbitrary goal. But you can be happy NOW. You can choose to be optimistic and see life with an optimistic perspective now!

If you tend to have a negative outlook on life, take heart. The fact that you are reading this post speaks to your motivation to be a more optimistic person. And it will happen–with practice and patience. You can learn to see life through a positive, glass-half-full lens. You will start to see setbacks, weaknesses, trials, miscommunications, and failures for what they really are: opportunities for growth and happiness.  Practicing positive thinking will also help you become less critical of the world and the people around you. You will notice that positive thinking will bleed into every aspect of your life–including and especially your relationship with yourself. Positive thinking really is the practice that will change your life…for the better! Please feel free to contact me or schedule a session for additional assistance.

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

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Life is Hard–Choose Joy

Life is Hard - Choose Joy - Cluff Counseling - Denton Therapist“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”

― Thich Nhat Hanh

Life is hard. We all have bills to pay, relationships to strengthen, jobs to keep, and hardships to overcome. These things are constant. Similarly, the choice of how we will respond to those difficulties is always there. Will we choose to be frustrated, angry, sad, or apathetic? Or will we choose to be happy, cheerful, and strong, ready to face whatever life throws at us?

That choice is ours. We have to choose how we will respond to the rigors of life each and every day. Something I have been focusing on this year–and will continue to focus on in 2019–is being more joyful. Despite whatever circumstances you or I may find ourselves, we can each choose to seek joy. It truly is a choice! And that is a choice we can each make starting today.

But how can we do that? How can we rise above the stresses of life and the contentious times in which we live? Here are some simple actions that will help us in our endeavor to choose to be joyful

  1. Acknowledge worthiness. We each deserve to feel joy. No matter what imperfections we have, we are all worthy of joy and happiness. I firmly believe that life is meant to be enjoyed and that we are meant to be joyful creatures. Acknowledging that we deserve joy is the first step to letting it in.
  2. Stop comparing. Theodore Roosevelt was spot on when he said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” The moment we stop comparing our efforts with those of another is precisely when we will be more content with ourselves. If we want to feel joy on a more consistent basis, we need to stop using others as our measuring stick. We must do our best and follow our dreams.
  3. Practice gratitude. This is one of my favorites. Practicing gratitude is so simple, easy, and accessible, but is also an incredibly powerful way to welcome joy into our lives. Whether we do so by writing what we are grateful for in a gratitude journal, a thank you card to someone who has made a difference in our lives, or by verbally expressing thankfulness, practicing gratitude is akin to seeking joy. There is a direct correlation between the two.
  4. Put a positive spin on your negative thoughts. Instead of “Ugh, I hate my job,” try to re-frame it into, “I’m grateful that I have a job so I can pay my bills.” Responsibilities that seem drab or inconvenient will suddenly be seen as a blessing or a conduit for happiness.
  5. Slow down and be present. This one is so important but simultaneously so easy to overlook. We often think that we will be happier with more–more money, more things to have, more things to do…that sometimes we get in the way of our own joy by overfilling and over-complicating our lives. In so doing we miss what is right in front of us. So slow down. Put the phone down. Be present. Find joy and happiness in what we currently have.
  6. Do what we love. Going along with number five, we need to do what we love. We each have twenty-four hours in a day, so we must be cautious and decisive with how we use it. Meditate. Focus on self-care. Practice a hobby. Paint, dance, cook, read, write, play basketball…whatever it may be, we need to do what we love. When we fill our lives with things and people we love, we are sure to feel joy.
  7. Connect with loved ones. Just as we sometimes fail to make time for the extracurricular activities we love, we similarly prolong or deny ourselves the blessing of being with those we love. Joy is much more likely to be found in a stimulating conversation with a friend or a family member than at the gym or the office. Meaningful relationships bring joy. In like manner, we experience joy when those we surround ourselves with inspire us to be better. When we connect with people who lift, inspire, and bring out the best in us, we cultivate joy.

Joy is not some fictitious feeling in fairy tales or something we can only feel a few times in our lives. No, joy is something we can find and feel each and every day. Joy is a state of mind, it is being content with where we are and with whom we associate. Joy can be constant; it is something we can feel whenever we choose to let it in.  Should you find that it is particularly difficult to feel even fleeting joy or happiness, please contact me today. It is estimated that 16.2 American adults experience some form of depression, and I am here to help decrease that statistic. My greatest goal as a therapist is to help each of my clients find the happiness they seek and deserve. My door is always open; click here to schedule a session.  Let’s welcome joy into our lives today and every day.

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

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