The Life Defining Practice of Positivity

 Research is revealing that positive thinking is about much more than just being happy or displaying an upbeat attitude. Positive thoughts can create real value in your life and help you build skills that last longer than a smile.

Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.”
― Roy T. Bennett

Every single day you face a myriad of situations that will test and prove your outlook on life. Is your glass half-empty or half-full? Do you see changes as setbacks or opportunities? Do you see weakness as a nuisance or a chance to grow? Would you consider yourself to be more of an optimist or a pessimist? Regardless of where you currently stand, you can start today to implement positivity into your life. Everything from your work to your health to your relationships will improve as you try to see the world through an optimistic lens!

Here is the 101 on positive thinking. It helps with stress management and improves your overall physical health (even resistance to the common cold!), it increases your lifespan, lowers your rates of depression and stress, offers greater immunity and better cardiovascular health, and results in more effective and efficient coping skills during hardships and times of stress. In other words, there are no cons to positivity.

Positive thinking does not mean you simply stick your head in the sand and proceed to ignore all of life’s less-than-pleasant situations. No, quite the contrary. Positive thinking simply means that you approach said unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way: You assume the best is going to happen instead of expecting the worst.

If you want to be a more optimistic person, you can! You can learn to turn negative thinking into positive thinking. The process is simple, but it does take time, patience, and practice…after all, you are creating a new habit. Here are some ways to start living a more positive lifestyle:

  1. Start small. If you want to employ more positive thinking, first identify areas of your life that you usually think negatively about. This may be work, your daily commute or a relationship. Start small by focusing on one area to approach in a more positive way.
  2. Have checkpoints. Periodically during the day, stop and evaluate what you are thinking. If you find that your thoughts are mainly negative, try to put a positive spin on them.
  3. Positive self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through your head. This is where positive thinking often starts. Be careful to not say anything to yourself that you would not say to someone else you care about! Shed the weight that comes from thinking unkindly of others by speaking kindly to yourself.
  4. Follow a healthy lifestyle. Exercise, adequate rest, and a healthy diet can positively affect your stress levels. A healthy body and regulated stress will help you see the world differently.
  5. Try meditation. Recent research has revealed that people who meditate regularly display more positive emotions than those who do not. Meditation can result in mindfulness, purpose in life, social support, and decreased illness symptoms.
  6. Practice gratitude. It is easy to get caught up in the things that are wrong or that you lack in life. But instead, take a look around and count your blessings. Think about the many things you are thankful for. Making a daily list is a great way to practice gratitude!
  7. Try humor. Give yourself permission to smile or laugh, especially during difficult times. Seek humor in everyday happenings. Laughing at life will decrease stress!
  8. Play/decompress. Before a violin is stored, the strings are loosened. If it is put away with the strings tight enough to play, the strings will eventually stretch and snap. You need periodical breaks to have fun and decompress. You will be better able to see life from an optimistic viewpoint if you take time to blow off steam!
  9. Surround yourself with positive people (read: stay away from toxic people). Make sure the people you choose to surround yourself with are positive, happy, and supportive. Negative people may increase your stress level and make you doubt your ability to manage stress in healthy ways.
  10. Be happy NOW. It is easy to think you will be happy when you get that promotion or move out of your apartment or when your kids are out of diapers. I know I am guilty of putting off happiness until I achieve some arbitrary goal. But you can be happy NOW. You can choose to be optimistic and see life with an optimistic perspective now!

If you tend to have a negative outlook on life, take heart. The fact that you are reading this post speaks to your motivation to be a more optimistic person. And it will happen–with practice and patience. You can learn to see life through a positive, glass-half-full lens. You will start to see setbacks, weaknesses, trials, miscommunications, and failures for what they really are: opportunities for growth and happiness.  Practicing positive thinking will also help you become less critical of the world and the people around you. You will notice that positive thinking will bleed into every aspect of your life–including and especially your relationship with yourself. Positive thinking really is the practice that will change your life…for the better! Please feel free to contact me or schedule a session for additional assistance.

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

Resources:


Two Secrets for Making 2019 Your Year

“Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal.” —Earl Nightingale

What do we do each January 1st? We think about New Year’s Resolutions–hobbies we would like to pick up, physical feats we would like to accomplish, places we would like to travel… Some we achieve, some we abandon, and others we half-attempt and get mediocre results. If we want to make serious changes in our lives, build confidence, and grow as individuals, we need to have a plan. Without a clear endpoint in mind, we are wandering aimlessly. A plan allows us to proactively create our destiny, and our goals serve as the springboard.

Last year I wrote about the ins and outs of setting resolutions. Most of us are familiar with the process of setting goals; if you need a refresher course, check out the references included below.. Having or setting goals is not the hard part, though. The hard part is following through with and reaching our goals. We have all had a goal that went unreached for whatever reason. I want to focus this post on what we can do to stay motivated to reach our goals in 2019.

How can we stay motivated to reach our goals? To quote Zoolander, “What do we do when we fall off the horse? …We get back on!” I have two simple suggestions that will help us pick ourselves up and get back to work WHEN we may fall short of our goals:

  1. TRACK PROCESS, NOT PROGRESS. This is an interesting yet intentional combination of words. Have you ever gotten fixated with the before and after pictures of home renovations or of physical transformations? What these pictures do not show is the vast amount of time and effort that went into achieving those results. We must remember that progress is a process. Growth and improvement takes time! We are growing accustomed to thinking we should have a six pack after a week of clean eating or exercising. The truth is that progress takes much, much longer than we like or expect. Instead of obsessing over results, we need to track how many times we did what we said we were going to do. How many times did we get to the gym? How many times did we bring a healthy lunch to work? How much money have we put into savings? If we keep doing what we said we were going to do–going to the gym, eating better, spending carefully–we will inevitably get closer to where we ultimately want to be. 
  2. PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION. Beating ourselves up for our mistakes and punishing ourselves for not reaching our goals will nearly always backfire. This promotes shame, which is limiting and uninspiring. When we are too tough on ourselves we actually hinder our ability to perform. Multiple studies (see references below) show that treating ourselves with more kindness is the best way to gain better results. Those who practice self-compassion are more likely to achieve their goals because they realize that mistakes are bound to happen, but that does not mean they should give up. As we implement more self-compassion into our daily walk and talk, we will find greater happiness, confidence, and progress as we reach our goals. (Look out for a post on self-compassion at the end of this month!)

Those who succeed in achieving their dreams always have one common characteristic: They never give up. This persistence is a mindset we can establish from the beginning and nurture throughout the journey of working towards our goals. Yes, we may fall down or fall short, but we cannot allow that to let us lose sight of what we are working towards. When we are tempted to give up on our goals, let’s remember to enjoy the PROCESS, and to practice a little more self-compassion. Just remember that every day is a great day to try again. Let 2019 be your year!

Something I love about the New Year is that it gives us courage to change. New Year’s Resolutions are revitalizing and we often find a great deal of motivation to do the hard things we may have been putting off.  If current addiction issues, unresolved trauma, or a strained relationship is not allowing you to make the changes you want to make, please do not hesitate to contact me today with questions and/or schedule a session with me. I absolutely love what I do, and have years of experience as a trained, qualified therapist. Please come see me this year and allow me to help you make 2019 your year!

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

Resources: