Continuing the Conversation on Teen Suicide: How to Help

“Don’t you know things can change / Things’ll go your way / If you hold on for one more day / Can you hold on for one more day?” ~ ”Hold On” by Wilson Phillips

Our community has felt the rippling effects of tragic suicides over the last year. We continue to grieve the loss of students and loved ones we miss so dearly. We know our community is not the only one experiencing the difficult aftermath of suicide, so we want to raise our voice to raise awareness.

Over the last few months, I have written two posts on the subject of teen suicide. Because this is such an important topic, I decided to split up my posts to do each one justice. First, I gave a general overview of teen suicide. Then I discussed the warning signs. Finally, I want to offer my personal and professional advice about how you can help.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24 hours a day): 1-800-273-8255

As I said, I dedicated an entire post to the warning signs someone considering suicide will likely exhibit. Please refer to that for a greater understanding on that subject. The main indicators are suicidal talk, self-harm, hopelessness, and neglecting appearance/friends/important activities.

If you see any of these warning signs in a friend or family member, the first thing you could do is talk about it. While it may be uncomfortable to discuss suicidal thoughts and behaviors, it may end up curbing a suicide attempt and saving a life. It is worth it! Some ideas to start this conversation could be something like, “I have been feeling concerned about you lately,” or, “Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.” Similarly, you could say, “I wanted to check in with you because you have not seemed yourself lately.” If the person admits to feeling suicidal, you can then ask things like, “When did you begin feeling like this?” or, “Did something happen to make you start feeling this way?” as well as, “How can I best support you right now?” and even, “Have you thought about getting help?” Finally, words of comfort might include, “You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.” Another powerful idea is, “I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help,” as well as, “When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute—whatever you can manage.”

If someone confides in you that he/she is considering suicide, evaluate the seriousness of the situation. Those at the highest risk for committing suicide in the near future have a specific suicide plan, the means to carry out the plan, a time set for doing it, and an intention to do it. Here is a suggestion for how to assess someone’s risk to suicide:

Low: Some suicidal thoughts. No suicide plan. Says he or she won’t attempt suicide.

Moderate: Suicidal thoughts. Vague plan that isn’t very lethal. Says he or she won’t attempt suicide.

High: Suicidal thoughts. Specific plan that is highly lethal. Says he or she won’t attempt suicide.

Severe: Suicidal thoughts. Specific plan that is highly lethal. Says he or she will attempt suicide.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24 hours a day): 1-800-273-8255

If it seems the person is in the low to moderate range, offer empathy and a listening ear. Let your loved one know that he or she is not alone and that you care. A teen’s school counselors, teachers, or administration are trained and equipped to help too! If you are afraid to talk to someone face to face, call or text a crisis line for advice and referrals. Where applicable, you can help your friend/family member locate a treatment facility or take them to doctor appointments. Overall, I highly recommend encouraging the person to see a certified mental health professional as soon as possible.

If the person is in the high to severe ranges, and a suicide attempt seems imminent, call a local crisis center, dial 911, or take the person to an emergency room immediately. Remove anything that could be potentially harmful, like guns, drugs, knives, and other lethal objects from the vicinity. Do not, under any circumstances, leave a suicidal person alone!

If you are the one experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, surround yourself with people you trust and get help. There are so many resources available today, including the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24 hours a day at 1-800-273-8255) as well as counselors in the schools. They can be trusted to help you. Remember that suicide closely affects at least six people–often many more! Absolutely no one will be better off with you gone…quite the contrary, actually. You matter. You are worthy of love and life. Life is worth fighting for. Do not give up on yourself!

A suicidal person may not ask for help, but that does not mean help is not wanted. People who take their lives do not want to die—they simply want to escape the hurt. Suicide prevention starts with recognizing the warning signs and taking them seriously. If you think a friend or family member is considering suicide (or if you are considering taking your own life), be brave. Speak up. Get help. Talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save a life, including yours!

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Continuing the Conversation on Teen Suicide: Warning Signs

“There’s no need to go and blow the candle out / Because you’re not done. / You’re far too young / And the best is yet to come.” ~”Lullaby” by Nickelback

Suicide is devastating to family, friends, and a community. The loss from suicide leaves a gaping hole in families, neighborhoods, schools, and communities; each suicide intimately affects at least six other people. Parents, siblings, classmates, coaches, and neighbors may be left wondering if they could have done something to prevent that young person from turning to suicide. In this post I will go over the suicide warning signs someone who is contemplating suicide might exhibit. In a future post, I will discuss how to help this person, or get help if you are the one considering suicide.

The World Health Organization estimates that approximately 1 million people worldwide die each year from suicide. For those who are not in the grips of suicidal depression and despair, it may be difficult and even confusing to understand what would drive so many individuals to take their own lives. However, a suicidal person is in so much pain that he or she can see no other option. This is why knowing what to look for can prevent suicide and provide help and hope as an alternative.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24 hours a day): 1-800-273-8255

WARNING SIGNS

There are many potential warning signs to suicide; the following are some of the most common red flags to look for:

  1. Self-harm or suicidal talk. Take any talk or mention of suicide very seriously. This is not just a warning sign, it is a cry for help!
  2. Talking or writing a lot about death or dying.
  3. Hopelessness. Though subtle, studies have found that hopelessness is a strong predictor of suicide. This hopelessness is often accompanied by “unbearable” feelings, a bleak future, and feeling like there nothing to look forward to.
  4. Loss of interest in day-to-day activities.
  5. Neglect of his/her appearance.
  6. Big changes in eating or sleeping habits.
  7. Withdrawing from friends and family. Increasing social isolation and the desire to be left alone.
  8. Dramatic mood swings or sudden personality changes, such as switching from outgoing to withdrawn or well-behaved to rebellious.
  9. Self-loathing and self-hatred. Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred; feeling like a burden that no one would miss.
  10. Self-destructive behaviors. Increased alcohol or drug use, reckless driving, unsafe sex.
  11. Seeking out lethal means, such as weapons and drugs.
  12. Getting affairs in order. Making out a will, giving away prized possessions, making arrangements for family members.
  13. Saying goodbyes. This might include unusual or unexpected visits or calls to family and friends and saying goodbye to people as if they will not be seeing each other again.

These signals are even more dangerous if the person has a mood disorder such as depression or bipolar disorder, suffers from alcohol dependence, has previously attempted suicide, or has a family history of suicide. Take these red flags very seriously!

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24 hours a day): 1-800-273-8255

If you see or experience any of these warning signs, do not dismiss them! I will write a detailed post on what to say and how to help in these situations next week. If you need immediate help, I suggest approaching a teacher or school counselor–they are trained to assist you and your classmates with this delicate yet urgent matter. Additionally, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is available for calls and chats 24 hours a day (1-800-273-8255), and most communities have hotlines you can text for immediate anonymous help. In dire circumstances, call 911.

Knowing these warning signs could save a life. Pay attention to your peers. As always, please do not hesitate to contact me with questions. If you are battling thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and self-harm, please click here to schedule a session. My door is always open for you!

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

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