Reconnecting with Reality: 10 Tips to Kick A Phone Addiction

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

A survey was recently conducted where participants were asked, “If you had to break a bone or break your phone what would you prefer?” The results were astounding: 46% percent of people would prefer to have a broken bone than a broken phone! Before the smartphone era, the average American spent just 18 minutes a day on the phone; today that figure is up to three hours. Three out of 24 hours of our day is being spent staring at a tiny screen…that is 1/8th of our day! Is that how we would prefer to spend our time or would we like to break that cycle and spend our valuable time on something more productive and satisfying?

The urge to pick up our devices is similar to other forms of behavioral addiction. Like gambling or shopping addiction, a small shot of dopamine is released in various regions of the brain through phone usage. That is what keeps us coming back for more, even when we know it is not in our best interest to do so. Instead of improving our lives, technology is actually getting in the way of us living and enjoying our lives. How can we overcome our addiction to distraction so we can focus on the things that actually matter? Here are ten practical suggestions we can implement immediately:

  1. Scheduled screen time. Set a timer for 15 minutes. When it goes off, spend a quick minute checking your phone’s notifications and be done. Push back the alarm to go off every 30, 45, or 60 minutes. You can even ask for help and accountability from your friends and family; tell them you will not be responding to messages as frequently as you used to.
  2. Remove distractions from the home screen. Most of us have Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc at the forefront of our screens. If we make those apps less accessible, we will not use them as much. Keep the apps that you want to encourage yourself to use (like those for reading or learning a new language) front and center, and banish anything you want to limit your time with to folders on your second page of apps (or if you have an Android phone, off the screen entirely).
  3. Disable push. An incredibly simple way to cut down on distractions is to turn off “push” notifications for as many apps as you can. Just head to Settings > Notifications to control your preferences. 
  4. Moon mode. On iPhones, there is a little icon of a moon if you swipe up to control brightness and wifi and whatnot. That little moon represents “do not disturb,” and it is kind of magical. It is a glorified silent mode, ideal for nighttime settings or undistracted time at work. Use DND and airplane mode to silence incoming distractions. 
  5. Use a filler. Instead of opening social media to scroll aimlessly, open a different app and be productive. Replace bad habits with good ones like learning a new language through Duolingo, creating flashcards for anything with Anki, self-reflection journaling with Vertellis, or using any number of apps to read or listen to a good book.
  6. Go old school. Many people use their phones as an alarm clock. But because the phone is easily within reach while in bed, many people find themselves scrolling right before bed and first thing in the morning. Cut that bad habit by reinstating your old-school alarm clock.
  7. “Alexa, do what my phone used to do for me.” You can ask these smart devices to play music for you, to check the weather, to read you a text,…the list goes on and on. Use Alexa instead of your screen!
  8. Grayscale. Time Well Spent, a nonprofit focused on changing our relationships to technology, recommends switching your phone to grayscale to make it less appealing. On an iPhone, find “Display Accommodations” and then turn on “Color Filters.” On a Samsung device, find “Vision” and then scroll down to “Grayscale.”
  9. Put it away. Unless there is an important phone call we are waiting for, we really do not need our phones within arms reach at all times. My dad leaves his phone on top of the refrigerator unless he needs it. Think about it–a smoker trying to kick the habit will still reach for a cigarette if it is sitting right in front of him. Ditto for phones; remove the temptation by stashing yours in your bag while at work or in a drawer when you want to have a real conversation at home.
  10. Don’t stop! Keep trying. Stay accountable. iPhones come with a built-in tracking system so we can see just how much time we have spent on any given app each day. There are also apps like Freedom, Moment, and Space that can help us see where we are spending our time and help us set limits. 

No doubt, Steve Jobs’ inventions, in the field of technology, have changed the world. But what most people do not know is he would not even let his children use an iPad. He told The New York Times, “We limit how much technology our kids use in the home.” Steve knew the power and addictive nature of these devices. So let’s be like Steve and limit our use of technology and break the cycle of addiction. The ten suggestions above can get us well on our way to getting off the phone and back to real life connection. If you are reading this on your phone, text or email someone you are thinking about. Let them know you care. Set a time to see them.  And then put the phone away.

(As always, if you find you have questions or would like to schedule a session, please do not hesitate to contact me today!)

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Supporting A Loved One Through Alcohol Addiction

Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.

It can be so difficult to know your place if you have a friend or family member struggling with an alcohol addiction. You may not know what to say or how to help; you may feel like their addiction is straining your relationship; you may resent their choices. While it is true that you cannot force a person to get help for alcoholism, there are various ways you can support them and encourage them to seek treatment.

You have likely heard of Alcoholics Anonymous (or AA). In April, I wrote a post that detailed the basics of Alcoholics Anonymous. I tried to cover everything from what it is, to how it started, its main tenets, if it works, and how it applies to those who do not believe in God. I detailed the strength that comes from utilizing this specialized support group of complete strangers who understand the path of the alcoholic’s addiction.  This is a program of recovery for specifically for alcoholics; Al-Anon, however, is different. It is a program of recovery for people who are affected by someone else’s drinking, whether that be a friend or family. It is one of many resources available to support those indirectly affected by alcoholism. This post is dedicated to how you can support a loved one through alcohol addiction.

There is no one exact formula that will tell you how to support someone facing an addiction to alcohol. Every person is different and, therefore, each person’s recovery process will be unique. Some people may rely heavily on their support system and want to involve you in each step during treatment; others may be more reserved and may only come to you when they need a listening ear or want to talk. The best thing you can do for a loved one who is recovering is to motivate and support them every step of the way. Here are several specific ideas for how you can get involved and offer support:

  • Learn about his/her condition. Understanding that, over time, alcohol rewires a person’s brain and causes it to function differently, sheds light on why he/she cannot simply choose to stop drinking alcohol.
  • Know the warning signs. Some signs are recognizable while others are subtle. Several telltale signs of a potential drinking problem are irrational behavior, lack of interest in hobbies and ignoring responsibilities. (This step is particularly important for those who have not yet recognized the need for help to overcome an alcohol addiction.)
  • Offer to help research alcohol rehab programs and types of therapy. Deciding on where to go for treatment is one of the most important factors in a person’s recovery journey.
  • Attend support group meetings or counseling sessions with your loved one. This will give you insight to their journey as well as guide you in how to handle different situations. (AA meetings are generally open, which means you can attend with your loved one. These meetings offer a great deal of support and advice for living with someone who has a drinking problem.)
  • Attend Al-Anon meetings. Just as those facing alcohol addiction will attend AA meetings, you should attend Al-Anon meetings. Here you will find support as you meet others who also love someone with an alcohol addiction, and will be able to personally work through the 12 steps of Al-Anon. Visit this website to find a meeting near you.
  • Help with the post-rehab recovery plan. Be constant as your loved one navigates life as a recovering addict.
  • Be optimistic. Addiction recovery is a steady uphill battle that will come with victories and defeats. When setbacks come, try not to be critical and face the future with hope. When progress occurs, celebrate it and continue pushing forward.

Family and friends should understand that the recovery process can come with many ups and downs–for both parties. When things get difficult, remember that having a steady support system will make a profound difference for your loved one. Your support will surely influence whether or not he/she seeks help for their drinking problem, will buoy him/her through treatment, and will increase the likelihood that he/she will maintain sobriety after treatment. Your role is crucial!

More than 15 million people struggle with an alcohol use disorder in the United States, but less than eight percent of those receive treatment.  Alcoholics Anonymous is a free resource available to all that will offer tools to both the individual facing the addiction, as well as his/her loved ones. Alcoholism affects everyone, including family members and friends of the alcoholic. This can damage relationships and cause you to feel a wide range of emotions like disappointment, anger, doubt and denial. Although your primary goal is likely to get your loved one help, be sure to get the help you might also need. In many instances, speaking with a counselor is helpful and even necessary. If you feel you could use professional help, I invite you to contact me today or schedule a session. Whether you are the one facing the addiction, or the one offering support, I am here to help you every step of the way!

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

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Alcohol Anonymous: Strength in Numbers

Alcoholics Anonymous

“When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away.”

~ Alcoholics Anonymous

According to the 2015 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 86.4 percent of people ages 18 or older reported that they drank alcohol at some point in their lifetime. While it may not lead to an addiction for some, it does for others. Alcohol has touched all of our lives in one way or another, whether it is personally or through someone we care about. Because April is Alcohol Awareness month, I want to dedicate a post to one of the most helpful, renowned support groups for those working to overcome an addiction to alcohol: Alcoholics Anonymous.

WHAT IS ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (AA)?

Alcoholics Anonymous is an international group of men and women who have had or are working to conquer a drinking problem. AA is open to all races, politically neutral, self-supporting, and is available almost everywhere. There are no age or education requirements, and membership is open to anyone who wants to do something about his or her drinking problem.

HOW DID AA START?

Alcoholics Anonymous was founded by Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith, who were both recovering alcoholics. In 1935, Alcoholics Anonymous began as a community-based fellowship which encouraged sobriety for other recovering alcoholics. These two men developed the 12 steps to aid their attendees, and later introduced the 12 traditions to help further define the group’s purpose and achieve continuity for AA groups across the country (and later around the globe). AA paved the way for other support groups; today Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, and Overeaters Anonymous are just three of the many groups that have modeled themselves after the AA meeting concept.

WHAT ARE THE MAIN TENETS OF AA?

The original steps are still intact and many former addicts credit the group with helping them through recovery. The 12 steps that govern all AA group meetings are presented in linear fashion, but participants see them as an ongoing circle. The following steps may be revisited until the recovering addict is comfortable in that stage of their recovery process:

  1. Admit powerless over alcohol
  2. Accept that a higher power, in whatever form, will restore your sanity
  3. Make a decision to turn your will and life over to a higher power
  4. Take a moral inventory of yourself
  5. Admit to a higher power, another human, and yourself the nature of your wrongdoings
  6. Accept that a higher power will remove your character defects
  7. Humbly request the higher power remove your shortcomings
  8. List people you hurt during your addiction and be willing to make amends
  9. Make amends to those people unless it would harm them
  10. Continue to take a personal inventory, and when you’re wrong, admit it
  11. Use prayer and meditation to connect with the higher power
  12. Carry the message of AA to other alcoholics and continue to practice the principles of the 12 steps in your daily life

DOES AA WORK?

Because AA is anonymous, some members of the group do not participate in studies since it could breach anonymity. Many want their participation in AA to remain unidentified, in line with the group’s original intention. Additionally, participants might not want to admit to relapse. A New York Times article stated that AA claims that up to 75% of its members stay abstinent.  Alcoholics Anonymous’ Big Book touts about a 50% success rate, stating that another 25% remain sober after some relapses. Though it is difficult to know just how effective it is, it is safe to say that many people have been helped by regularly attending AA. Just how effective depends on the participant.

CAN AA WORK FOR THOSE WHO DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD?

The first time I read through the twelve steps, I was surprised how often God was referred to. While the faith-based program of AA may be effective for some, it does not work for everyone — particularly those who do not subscribe to God as a higher power.  Might I offer a solution: AA founder, Bill Wilson, encountered the term “higher power” in the book, Varieties of Religious Experience, by William James. In this book, James offers many examples from Christian traditions, as well as non-Christian examples. One of the best examples of “higher and friendly power” is borrowed from Henry David Thoreau walking in the midst at Walden Pond feeling a sense of connection to pine needles. He cited other examples of a “higher power” to potentially include moral principles, patriotism, civic engagement, and even a higher or better self. Therefore, the term “higher power” does not have to be a faith-based term and thus varies from participant to participant.

You could go to an AA meeting in Los Angeles, London or Lima and each one would be carried out in a similar fashion. This is because the steps and traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous are the foundation for every meeting. In each meeting, members will get to know one another, discuss progress and relapses, and support each other through sponsor programs. Although it can be difficult going to an AA meeting with complete strangers and admitting to such a personal issue, it is the only place where every participant knows exactly how you feel. They have been where you are and can support you in your journey. That is powerful. To quote AA literature: “The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us.”  This instantaneous bond cultivates a unique feeling of community and understanding that is incredibly helpful to those recovering from alcohol addiction.

The only real way to find out if Alcoholics Anonymous can help you is to give it a try. See for yourself if you think the help and support from others struggling with the same problem can help you stay sober. As Alcoholics Anonymous has no dues or fees, you have nothing to lose in choosing to visit a few meetings. I strongly encourage it. Call now at 877-600-9205 or go online and use a meeting finder to find a meeting in your area. Click here if you are local to the Dallas/Ft. Worth area and could benefit from community resources. In like manner, if you feel you could use professional help, I invite you to contact me today or schedule a session to begin your journey toward recovery. I am here to help you along the uphill road of addiction recovery!

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

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The Opioid Epidemic: Just a Prescription Away

Opiods - Cluff Counseling, Marriage & Family TherapyWhen a person takes a prescription drug for a nonmedical reason, it can quickly lead to addiction and the need for drug treatment. In fact, 25 percent of people who misused prescription drugs by age 13 ended up with an addiction at some point in their life.

One of my clients recently recounted some of the horrors of her childhood. When she was younger, her mother began misusing prescription drugs. My client remembered going with her mother to sketchy parking lots for exchanges, and her mother being completely under the influence of these powerful drugs. Every day when my client came home from school, she feared finding her mother passed out or dead on the bathroom floor. The addiction wreaked havoc on this family. It took years for the mother to get her addiction to prescription drugs under control.

The mother, of my client, was initially prescribed the pills to help combat her pain from a surgery. She never intended to terrify and permanently scar her children by what they saw when she was under the influence. But the temporary relief (or high) that the drugs gave her grew to be a necessity she could not live without. This is the case for most addicts of prescription drugs–they never intended to get hooked to the drugs meant to improve their health.

…But prescription drugs are powerful. Many people believe that prescription drugs are safer than illegal street drugs because they are prescribed by a doctor. When, in reality, they are just as dangerous. Prescription drugs are legal and more accessible than harmful drugs. More people report using controlled prescription drugs than cocaine, heroin and methamphetamine combined! Prescription drugs are in second place, behind marijuana, when it comes to illicit drug use. Additionally, prescription drugs often serve as gateway drugs–hooking people to the high and leaving them needing something stronger. Approximately three out of four new heroin users report misusing prescription opioids prior to using heroin!

Let me tell you the facts behind this opioid epidemic: The US makes up only 5 percent of the world’s population, yet consumes approximately 80% of the world’s prescription opioid drugs. 3.3 million Americans report misusing prescription painkillers. In the US alone, an estimated 54 million people over the age of 12 have used prescription drugs for nonmedical reasons in their lifetime. Prescription opioid overdose rates are highest among people ages 25 to 54 years. Here are the most commonly misused prescription drugs:

  • Prednisone or Cortisone. Used to treat rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, asthma, allergies and many other conditions. Side effects: High blood sugar, increased chance of infection, and thinning bones (osteoporosis). Natural alternative: Raw, whole food diet.
  • Methotrexate ­& Other Chemotherapeutic Agents. Used to treat breast, head, neck, lung, blood, bone, lymph node and uterus cancers. Side effects: Fetal death, livery and kidney toxicity, lung disease, intestinal bleeding. Natural alternative: Whole food diet, natural oils, vitamin C, fasting,
  • Coumadin or Warfarin. This drug is an anticoagulant, or a blood thinner, used to prevent the blood clots from forming or migrating. Side effects: Hemorrhaging. Natural alternative: Vitamin C, Vitamin E, OPC 165 (all natural antioxidant blend).
  • Cholesterol-lowering drugs. Used to promote excretion of bile build-up in intestinal tract to lower cholesterol circulation. Side effects: Inflammation of the muscles (myositis). Natural alternative: Whole foods, fish, spinach, avocado, oats, nuts, beans.
  • Prozac and antidepressants. Used to balance serotonin levels in the brain (serotonin is a neurotransmitter that affects mood, agitation, anxiety and sleep). Side effects: Nausea, weight gain, fatigue, insomnia, sexual problems, blurred vision, constipation, anxiety, trouble sleeping, and more. Natural alternative: Regular exercise, therapy and a whole food diet.
  • Ritalin, Cylert, Dexadrine, Adderal. Used to increase, maintain or improve levels of alertness and attention. Side effects: Abdominal pain, loss of appetite, anxiety, depression, dizziness, hypersensitivity, and suicidal thoughts. Natural alternative: Yoga, regular exercise, a musical instrument, whole food diet.
  • Beta Blockers and Calcium Channel Blockers. Used to lower blood pressure. Side effects: Shortness of breath, palpitations, congestive heart failure, increased death rate. Natural alternative: Reduce sodium intake and alcohol consumption, regular exercise, whole food diet.

I agree that natural alternatives are not remedies for severe medical issues like cancer. However, I believe healthy, natural lifestyle choices will enhance one’s overall health and can prevent further maladies in the future. When we are not supplying our bodies with proper nutrition, disease can manifest itself. This is usually when most people will resort to prescription drugs. These drugs only cover up the problem, but are never actually dealing with the root cause. The human body is a remarkable machine naturally built to function optimally on its own, but it can only do so when we provide it with all of the essential nutrients that it needs!

Taking a long-term medication that alters any of the body’s natural functions can be dangerous. But if taken for a short time and used properly, these drugs can be of great help, health, and healing to the consumer. I find it of the utmost importance to state that I firmly believe there is a place for prescription drugs. When used properly, they can alter and/or correct chemical imbalances and lessen pain to greatly improve one’s quality of life. Many (if not most) of my clients couple prescription medication with counseling to make leaps and bounds of progress in their lives. While I personally cannot prescribe medications, I support the proper usage of them, and often encourage clients to seek necessary medication in addition to attending therapy. Please contact me today if you would like to combine the power of properly used prescription drugs with personalized therapy. I am here to help you!

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

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Willpower: The Powerful Pre-Step in Addiction Recovery

Willpower - The Powerful Pre-Step in Addiction Recovery - Cluff Counseling, Denton Marriage & Family TherapyAccording to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) in 2007, 20.8 million persons (8.4 percent of the population aged 12 or older) needed treatment for a substance problem, but did not receive it. As addicts try to stop their addictive behaviors, they may cut ties with their friends, avoid certain establishments, and purge themselves of their addictive substances or actions. But, more often than not, their actions do not last and the addict falls back into the cycle of addiction. Willpower needs to be coupled with additional resources in order to lead to lasting change.

Willpower is defined as control of one’s impulses and actions. In the context of addiction recovery, willpower is the choices and the efforts the addict makes to break addictive habits. Examples of exercising willpower to get on the road of addiction recovery could be avoiding certain people or places that encourage deviant behavior, discarding any substances or items that promote further addiction, and getting outside support for addiction recovery. Willpower is an essential step to get you started in the addiction recovery process, but it is not enough, on its own, for lasting change.

When my friend was little, she fell off the high beam at gymnastics and broke her arm. She was unable to go to class, let alone tumble or do anything active for several months. As much as she wanted to be well and healed, she could not make that happen on her own. She had to rely on doctors to prescribe proper methods for healing, a cast to set the boundaries, and time to allow her bones to transition back into place. Her willpower was not enough to heal her.

This example may seem quite obvious and somewhat silly in the context of a broken arm, but the same principle applies in the context of addiction recovery–outside help is needed. There will be times when more is needed than just our willpower. Sometimes, healing and recovery is out of our control and we need help. Sometimes we need to rely on qualified doctors or therapists to help us find balance and proper health. Sometimes we need a cast–or set rules/boundaries–to keep us out of harm’s way. Sometimes we need to rely on a support system of family and friends so we are not alone in recovery and can fall back on and be accountable to them. When these tools are used in unison with your willpower, lasting addiction recovery can occur.

All recovery programs that I know of call on the addict to recognize his/her powerlessness and to ask for help. Ironically enough, by surrendering his/her will and recognizing that he/she does not have all the answers, addicts find the will to recover. Asking for help is key. Let me highlight two resources that can bolster your willpower:

  1. Family and close friends. They love you and want what is best for you. Not only that, but your family and closest friends are the people who see you most, who are in regular contact with you, and can help you during moments of weakness. They can provide accountability and are readily available to help during those especially tough days.
  2. A licensed, qualified therapist. When my friend broke her arm, she received help from a professional who was experienced, knowledgeable, and had tools to properly diagnose her injury and give her a personalized plan for recovery. A therapist is your emotional doctor; I have spent years working with those struggling with addiction. I can help you.

By letting family and close friends, and a therapist help you in your journey, you will find strength in numbers, which will aid you greatly as you continue to seek recovery.

Many of my clients battle with some form of addiction. Whether they are addicted to drugs, food, substances, pornography, sex, or something else, I greatly admire them for seeking help. Their desire to change is the essential pre-step to addiction recovery. The desire to improve, to make lasting changes, and to leave behind destructive habits and behaviors must come from the addict him/herself in order for it to be lasting. Your willpower will carry you through those moments of weakness, push you attend counseling sessions, and keep you away from people or places that could threaten your progress. Willpower is just that–POWER. Make that step today and channel your willpower to help you overcome addiction.

Now is the time to channel your willpower and use the resources around you–namely your support system of family and close friends, as well as the help of an experienced counselor. Contact me today or set up your first session to get yourself onto the path of addiction recovery that will help you make lasting changes.

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

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