Love Languages: Showing Love Through Gifts

Love Languages Showing Love Through Gifts - Cluff Counseling - Dallas TherapistThe Love Language of Receiving Gifts is likely the toughest love language to justify. Many people will see this Love Language as selfish or materialistic but it is not always the case. For people that have this Love Language, receiving gifts is a visible symbol for them to understand and believe that their partner truly loves them.

I imagine many of you have read or are familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman’s bestselling book, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.” These five love languages came after years of research and practice and, according to Chapman, each of us fall into one of the five categories: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.  For the first six months of 2018 I have chosen to focus on each of these love languages. Last month I posted about Acts of Service as a follow-up to our March’s post on Words of Affirmation, and this month I have chosen to focus on the Love Language of Receiving Gifts.

Giving is at the heart of all five Love Languages. With Quality Time, we dedicate meaningful time to our lover. With Physical Touch we use physical gestures to display affection. With Words of Affirmation, we speak sincerely and kindly, giving thoughtful compliments or engaging in genuine conversation. With Acts of Service, we go out of our way to serve, surprise, or help our spouse. And with Receiving Gifts, we give something material as a palpable symbol of our love.

Receiving Gifts is separate and distinct, however, because this time, what is given is tangible. The receiver can literally hold the gift in his or her hands, keep it for years, and look to it as a reminder of love.

Many assume that the people whose primary love language is Receiving Gifts are spoiled and materialistic since getting gifts is the main way they receive love. Please allow me to correct that assumption. I have counseled with many individuals who feel their relationships are lacking because their partner is not speaking his/her love language.  You do not need to spend lavish amounts of money in order to get the point across! Gifts come in all shapes and sizes; the most important part about gift giving is the love which serves as the motive for the gift giving. For a wife whose love language is Receiving Gifts, you can give her a pearl necklace or a chocolate bar and she will be thrilled with either. The fact that you were thinking about her enough to get her a little something does the majority of the talking. Cost matters little!

To the giver: Obviously the present you give will depend widely on the preferences of the person to whom you are giving. Some unisex ideas may include the following:

  • Chocolate! Or ice cream (can’t go wrong here)
  • A massage
  • A pedicure (guys need this, too!)
  • A night out–dinner and a movie?
  • Car wash vouchers
  • Restaurant gift cards
  • A weekend getaway or a vacation somewhere fun!
  • Clothing or shoes
  • Accessories like hats, belts, scarves, jewelry

Again, your partner may want something very specific like a snowblower or a sewing machine. I recommend simply paying attention to things your gift-receiving-partner says he/she wants–write it down if you need! Listen. They are sure to drop hints during tv commercials or while you are walking around the mall. Pay attention and you will get ideas for gifts to give.

To the gift receiver: Be patient with your partner! There is a common misconception that gifts need to be lavish and expensive and frequent. Explain clearly to your partner what you want/expect, and the frequency you are hoping for. This will enable you to be on the same page as your partner and to have your expectations met, leading to a happier, more satisfied couple.

Every relationship has areas that work well and areas that could use improvement. Feeling more loved and appreciated is something all of us would like! If you do not know your partner’s (or your own) love language, I highly recommend taking the quiz from the 5 Love Languages website. Understanding love languages will enable you to directly and efficiently communicate how much you care about your significant other.  If your partner is learning to communicate in your love language, offer gentle guidance and point out progress. If you are trying to speak your partner’s love language, be patient–it takes time to learn how to speak a new language. Learning to express love through gifts can be fun because there are so many different ways to go about doing so…get creative! Pay attention to things your partner says he/she likes or would like, and deliver! Small thoughtful actions can deliver a powerful message for those whose love language is Receiving Gifts. Should you ever need additional assistance implementing love languages and working towards a more fulfilling relationship, you know my office door is always open!

Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.

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