**This will be the first post in a blog series on sex; this particular segment will focus on the benefits of sex. Stay tuned for my future posts on the common excuses/hindrances to sex, as well as how to communicate to overcome those barriers.
Life can and will get in the way of your sex life. Although some view sex mostly as a pleasure-inducing activity, physical intimacy can be an incredibly powerful force for good in your relationship. Read on to see what I have coined as the top nine emotional, physical, mental, and relational benefits to sex.
When you and your spouse or partner first started seeing each other, the sparks flew and the attraction was strong. Chances are that your sex drive was extremely heightened. Then slowly things started slowing down… intervals between sexy encounters grew longer and longer, until you could not even remember when you were last intimate. What happened? Work, bills, kids, arguments…reality happened, and your euphoria dissipated. First and foremost, I want you to know that this is okay and completely normal. At the start of most relationships, attraction and physical intimacy seem to come easily. Just because it is harder after 3, 7, 10 years of union/marriage, does not mean that it always has to stay that way!
Sex has many benefits, both to your physical, emotional, and relational health. Here are a few:
- Sex improves immunity. People who have sex 1-2 times a week have significantly higher levels of immunoglobulin A–which is the first line of defense in our bodies. Some studies are finding that sexually active men and women are actually taking less sick days!
- Sex improves heart health. Studies have found that men who engaged in sexual activity twice a week were 45 percent less likely to develop heart disease than those who did so once a month or less.
- Sex reduces stress and lowers blood pressure. There is a direct correlation between sex and improved stress response.
- Sex helps women with bladder control and helps lower the risk of prostate cancer for men. For women, intercourse strengthens pelvic floor muscles, which contract during orgasm, which improves bladder control and helps avoid incontinence! For men, research is finding that men who ejaculate at least 21 times a month have a lower risk of prostate cancer!
- Sex is great exercise. Did you know that sex literally burns calories? Men burn around 100, and women expend 69. This statistic varies depending on the length of your session (these numbers were gathered based on an average of 25 minutes from start of foreplay to finish). If you are interested in calculating how many calories you burn the next time you have sex, multiply the time in minutes by 4.2 for men or 3.1 for women. Sex also helps maintain flexibility and balance!
- Sex can clear the mind. If you have a “noisy brain,” sex reallocates your blood flow to your genitals and can help clear your thoughts.
- Sex releases endorphins that make you feel good. These “feel-good chemicals” ease stress, increase pleasure, invite calm, and boost self-esteem.
- Sex improves sleep. During orgasm, oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone”, is released, which promotes sleep.
The greatest benefit of all is 9. Sex increases intimacy and improves relationships. Of course, this is only accomplished when your love making is done with mutual interest and respect. Sex and orgasms result in increased levels of the hormone oxytocin (that “love hormone” I mentioned earlier), which helps you feel bonded to your partner. A study was published in 2015 that surveyed 30,000 Americans over 40 years; the results were that couples who have sex at least once a week are happiest. Intercourse is the highest expression of love, and it does wonders for a marriage. Plus, the more often you have sex, the more probable it is that you will want to keep doing it (yet another benefit of sex–increased libido)!
Although sex has many benefits, most of us seem to engage in intimacy less than we should or would like to. My upcoming posts will address the barriers to a healthy sex life, as well as how to overcome them. Communication with your spouse is key. If your relationship with your spouse is strained, or you need help communicating about this sensitive subject, please come talk to me. It is often difficult for many people to talk to their spouse, if they feel their sex life needs improvement, let alone a therapist. Please remember that therapists are trained, licensed individuals who have heard it all before; I know how to help. Set up your first session with me today and together we can help you reclaim the bedroom.
**Tune in next month for the upcoming installments in this series on reclaiming the bedroom. I will be talking about some of the most common sex-stoppers I hear from clients, as well as my advice for how to overcome these obstacles.
American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists
The American Journal of Cardiology: “Sexual Activity, Erectile Dysfunction, and Incident Cardiovascular Events”
Cluff Counseling: “Choosing the Right Therapist for You”
EurekAlert: “Couples who have sex weekly are happiest”
Men’s Health: “How Many Calories Do You Burn During Sex?”
Mercola: “The Top 11 Benefits of Sex”
PubMed: “Blood pressure reactivity to stress is better for people who recently had penile-vaginal intercourse than for people who had other or no sexual activity.”
USA Today: “How often should you have sex with your partner?”